Wednesday, November 10, 2004

My World Does Not Include Raisins

I guess the only question here is, "If your world doesn't include raisins, then what the hell are you supposed to eat peanuts with?"

The title is a quote from one of my adult ESL students, who shall, hereafter, be referred to as "Squiggly." After offering her beautiful fat raisins all the way from Canada, Squiggly quietly typed away on her electronic dictionary and soon after said to me, "My world does not include raisins."

What a fantastic response! It really made me laugh! If only I were as keen-witted as that electronic dictionary! Then I'd have all the girls typing away on my.... Right. Sorry. Got a little sidetracked there...I was staring at the bamboo outside my apartment.

Seriously though. Squiggly is constantly using her e-dictionary. She barely even looks at me during class! AND! if that dictionary not only has the capability of translating into multiple languages AND! the ability to be as dry witted as the above quote, then what am I good for? Honestly! It could easily replace me! In fact, it could replace everyone teaching English in Japan.
The e-dictionary is a menace and must be stopped!!! Please make stickers of this exclamation and put it on stuff. You know, just to build awarness. If we can't stop people like Squiggly from igniting the e-dictionary revolution, perhaps all language will be automated in the future. I can see the commercials now: "Want to talk to your Japanese friend, but you don't speak Japanese? No problem! Speak into this metal contraption and then POOF! your Japanese friend can press the translate button! [No unnecessary hassles with eye contact or gestures.]"

BEWARE, my friends and family of friends and all of their friends too, BEWARE! We will soon either be fired or assimilated. You can be sure that English teachers are not the only disposable economy! Think of all the other automated replacements in society already!

Why, I've seen mechanical men waving the yellow caution flags on highways! Where are the poor sods who used to do the waving? Vending machines are an obvious connection too...doesn't anybody miss having a chat to the guy at the corner store? He was a good guy! Video games?! Like, where have all the dice and marbles and smurfs gone all of a sudden? Did the smurfs hijack the marbles and take off with the dice in the night? Cell phones? Screw it! Remember when we used to live a little and then talk to our friends? Like, normal life, without the constant commentary. Why, you might have even enjoyed going over to their houses and seeing them face to face! Perhaps you used to drink tea....Cell phones don't serve tea. Do they? Perhaps I haven't found that button yet...

Quickly people, we must find all the Squigglies out there and confiscate their e-dictionaries!! If we don't act quickly, they'll be implanted in everybodies' arms...or made into a shoe first probably...don't want to commit too soon of course...Either way, God-speed, my young champions of the English language!


Blogger Madi said...

Whoah. That would kick ass. The cell phones serving tea, I mean.

4:12 p.m.  

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